Marathon Reflections

So sorry to have disappeared for a while, but after the Olympic Trials Marathon I didn’t know what to say… but these lyrics by Crossfade (generally not my type of music) kind of explain how I felt. 

So you found out today your life's not the same 
Not quite as perfect as it was yesterday but 
When you were just getting in the groove 
Now you're faced with something new 
And I know it hurts and I know you feel torn 
But you never gave up this easily before 
So why do you choose today to give it all away …

I started out that morning feeling as confident as I could feel going into something that I had never done before. I had the training under my belt and I was surrounded on the course by people I love. A beautiful rendition of the Star Spangled Banner was sung by a fellow competitor (Esther Erb, props to her!) and the race began. I tried to settle into 5:45 pace with the pack that I was with, but the group was anxious so the pace was a bit erratic… jumping between 5:39-5:50 per mile. The first ten miles flew by in what felt like the blink of an eye. It was at about this time that I started to feel the blister on my right foot forming. I could feel that it was there, but I put it out of my mind as best I could. The competition was more important. 

I made it to half way, still on 2:32 marathon pace, still feeling strong. I continued to get my fluids and clip away at the miles on the 7 mile loops course. Coming in toward the start/finish line on the second loop, nearing 18-19 miles I was starting to feel my hip flexors. I felt like I was having trouble pulling my leg through my stride. I had slowed a bit, to 2:34 marathon pace, but I was still feeling optimistic. I was still close to my goal per mile pace. I could do this! I had lost my group and was running alone, but I was clicking away at the miles getting closer with each stride to my destination.  
I made it to mile 22 and I was coming unglued. My legs felt like they were hardly coming off the ground. But I was so close. I could fight through another mile!

I got to mile 23 and the 180 degree left hand turn in the course. My blister by this point was really bad; I had to kind of dance my way around the turn because I couldn’t push off on my right foot. I was starting to get passed by other competitors who had paced their races a little better. Only three miles, I told myself, so close. You can do it.

The mile 24 mile marker loomed. I looked at my mile split on my watch and swore that I saw 6:45…I thought that I had slowed by over a minute per mile. (When I later looked at my splits it was a 6:15 mile, not 6:45) But that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. When I saw that and that I was getting passed by people I knew I should beat I gave up. At mile 24, with only two miles to go I walked off the course and burst into tears. I have never felt so ashamed of myself. Not once in the 13 years that I have been running competitively had I ever not finished a race. And now I can say I never will (consciously) ever again. The feeling of giving up is the absolute worst. 

I learned a lot from that day and now that I have had time to think it through and get back to training and racing I can continue the song…

Well it's not so bad y'all 
Together we all fall 
Just as long we get up we'll stand tall 
We shouldn't waste another day 
Thinking 'bout the things that we forgot to say 

I know we have given 
All that we can give 
When there's nothing to lean on 
Well, I remember this 
All we make of this lifetime 
Is always here within 
And remembering that's why 
We should never give in

One day soon I will do another marathon, and this time I know without a doubt I will succeed.
For now, I am back to training and racing, getting ready for my next big adventure- the USA Olympic Track and Field Team Trials in June! I already have qualifying marks in both the 10K and 5K. In the early part of the season I will see if I can better those marks to put me in a better position going into the trials. So I will get back to writing and letting you all know how it is going! 

Thanks for all the support. Yours in running!
~Meghan~

Marathon splits:
6:16, 12:05, 17:45, 23:29, 29:09, 35:02, 40:53, 46:34, 52:25, 58:17, 1:04:09, 1:10:03, 1:16:01, 1:21:59, 1:44:00, 1:33:54, 1:55:00, 1:46:04, 1:52:15, 1:58:30, 2:04:02, 2:11:03, 2:17:27, 2:23:42